Grief

I feel like I was punched in the gut

Posted on by missycooper1

I literally just read the awful news that Roe v. Wade was overturned by the Supreme Court. I feel like I cant breathe. Everyday it seems like rights are taken from us. Death, destruction, war, panic, fear, opportunity, options at all for some. We as people are being stifled and oppressed and told to just bend over and take it! This is NOT okay!

How should it be anyone’s right to make decisions about the health and care of your own body? Women can make a decision to remove their breasts if they are concerned about cancer, but not reproductive health? If men were the ones to get pregnant this would be a non issue.

I was told a few stories recently that the general public may not understand about what danger is now in store for women. Whether you believe in abortion or not…that really isnt the only issue. There are women who unfortunately have children who die in the womb. Or who at no fault of the mother, the fetus could kill the mother if brought to term. There are also babies that will die once out of the womb.

And those children now will have to be brought to term (due date) before able to be delivered. It will now be illegal to remove the fetus even at risk of the mother dying. One person shared this was the most traumatic event in her life. Besides losing the baby, she was deathly sick. The deteriorating baby was causing toxicity in the mama. If she carried to due date she would die. Then the process of finding a place to remove the fetus was very difficult in her conservative state. The thought of going through this process now, safely, is nearly impossible. Please see this story for a personal account of the events that occur and will be made worse now. https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/roe-v-wade-overturned-wanted-pregnancy-miscarriage-b2108799.html

Why are we going backwards? Why are rights being taken away? Why are guns and control over women and people of color where we need to go back to? Where is the America that stands for freedom and justice FOR ALL? Whose agenda is this? The wealthy elite who think we will be so distracted with survival in this new awful world they can do what they want? F@$k that!

You can do something. You have to do something! You can vote for those who want to preserve our democracy, protect our children and women. Those who will remove oppressive and divisive practices from law. You can Vote for those that want to save our planet from climate change. You can Vote for those who will tax the billionaires. Those who stand up to bullies. Those who believe we can all dream and succeed. You can also run for public office and work to change your own communities.

Please don’t give up. Please dont become so overwhelmed that you do nothing. Your voice matters and if you do nothing those that wish to hold the power to oppress win. And we all lose.

Who am I?

Posted on by missycooper1

Who am I? Who do I wish to be? Do I play it safe or Do I choose something risky?

Am I a mother? Am I a wife? Am I a woman? Am I a child? Am I a worker? Am I good? Am I bad? Am I happy? Am I sad?

Who am I? What path do I choose? Do I choose the straight and narrow? Do I get entangled? Do I run from a fight? Do I jump into every challenge?

Do I love? Do I hate? Do I get angry? Do I debate?

Am I a sister if my sister is gone? Am I a daughter if my father is gone? Am I a granddaughter if my grandparents are gone? Am I loved if their love is gone?

As a mother of 2 beautiful children and a wife to a wonderful husband the roles that I place myself into change constantly like water flowing into every nook and cranny that requires me, but in those constant changes where do I go? Where is the true essence of me? Is it left in all those other nooks and crannies or does the essence of me still reside as a whole within me? How do I know that I am still me if me is everywhere else?

How do I find the me that I’m supposed to be? That I want to be? That I am? Do I pray? Do I meditate? Do I trust that God knows who I am and will keep me together…that He will put me back together when all the pieces of me seem to be distributed and gone?

I have no choice – I must trust that all will be well…that all IS well.

I have to Because I am here. Because I am writing these words, because I am seeking wholeness. If I am seeking it – then it IS – then completeness exists and has been here all along. I know that God resides within me and finds a way to bring all of the pieces back so that I can continue to be redistributed.

But how do I find a way to put myself back together on those days when finding the pieces seems impossible?

I have to stay in motion. I have to wake up each day, breathe in and out and pull the bits of me out of all the beautiful places they have been stored.

In the hug from my children as I wake each day.

The snuggle requests to ensure I know I’m loved.

The warm hug and smooch from my hubby as we meet in the kitchen for coffee.

The ride to school dancing to our favorite tunes.

The last run back hug from my toddler as I drop her off at school.

The appreciation from my team when I teach them a new tool.

The intrinsic reward at the end of a long day when I know the products I have prepared helped the leaders I work with.

The texts from my mom group checking in and sharing kid stories.

The venting sessions and girly giggles between me and my best friend.

And the list goes on. It can be hard to move forward in this life as crazy and awful as it is some days to exist…to read the news…to hear the tragedies of those around us. When the struggle to find those pieces seems oh so hard. But I assure you, once you find that breadcrumb, that tiny piece coming back and your heart feels a bit of warmth, the search for wholeness gets a bit easier.

You’re never alone. No matter how lonely you feel there are always people going through the same experiences. I encourage you to build a network if you don’t have one. If you do have one work on sharing your authentic self, you may be surprised how much more you have in common with people. So day by day, experience by experience, gather those pieces until your cup overflows. You will know when you’ve reached capacity because your spirit will urge you – almost unconsciously to help someone else. To show someone that crumb they may have missed. And in that kindness a spark of hope emerges in you both.

Would love to hear your stories or shared experiences.

Fearless…also known as sister

Posted on by missycooper1

When we were kids I idolized her. She was the most beautiful funny fire-hearted person I had ever seen. One night, when I was 9 or 10 she talked me into sneaking out. She was 13 or so and beyond worldly in my eyes. I had absolute trust. After our parents were asleep for a while, I tiptoed down to her room. As I crept through the door, her smile lit the dark room. She was so excited. Was it because of the adventure to come or because I believed in her so fully?

We worked together to pull the screen out of the window, careful to make no noise. She slunk out the window with expertise. My heart beat in my ears, my palms grew moist. As I looked at her, she saw my fear and motioned for me to come closer. I stuck my head out the window and she whispered, “it’s ok, it’s not as far down as it looks and I’m here to catch you if you fall.” With that reassurance my heart began to slow and excitement crept in. I turned my body, working to descend in the same snake like style as my sister, but I looked more like a dumpling dropping into a hot pot. Before I hit the ground I felt her hands around my waist. Surrounding me in the safety net I needed to push through.

I don’t remember much else about the night. I believe we got busted and grounded. But I do remember how I felt about my sister. How much her strength encouraged me and helped me feel safe. Now that she’s gone all I have are memories. My whole life I always wished I had her strength, but maybe I do… maybe I have had it all along…maybe I can remember the fire and courage she taught me and honor her by letting go of excuses and live a life that inspires people. A life that helps other people see that you can break through fear and insecurity by following faith and believing in yourself.

God created us… created me and you to be everything our heart desires so we can serve as an example of His Grace and love. Playing small honors no one and nothing. Fear is a choice. Success is planned, disciplined actions that prepare you for opportunity.

One day, one choice, one action at a time.

How are you you honoring your spirit today?

Losing a loved one

Posted on by missycooper1

How do you walk ahead when you lose someone you love? How do you pull the weight of grief around day by day when it feels as though sandbags are hanging around your neck? How do you make peace with all the unsaid words? The moments you wished you could have back, the things you wished you could change, the relationships you wished you had worked on? The short answer… you can’t.

So make each moment count. The cliche “you never know when it will be your last day” has been said repeatedly for a reason, because …its so true.

We don’t always get that understanding day by day. We get so spun up in our own little world and responsibilities, we sometimes forget or put off doing the hard work of maintaining relationships. And then…the unthinkable happens.

Death can be a gift… that sounds so wrong to say, but it can mean your loved one is no longer suffering, enduring hardship, or struggling. It can bring about perspective, introspection, resolve to change things for the good.

The pain we feel can be overwhelming, but your loved one is ok. If you believe in a higher being they are better than ok. Or perhaps their death means their spirit was so pure, they had few lessons to learn about living so God called them home. For those called so early this is my understanding.

You will miss them every day, you will think about them all the time, but you cannot stop living because they are gone. Your job is to honor them every day so they will know how much you loved them.

Life and Death

Posted on by missycooper1

We swirl around inundated by trivial items like a bad hair day, a TV show, celebrity news, decorating, shopping, annoying people, bad drivers, cranky partners, dirty dishes, laundry, bills…and the list could go on. But then you get a phone call that slaps you into reality and makes you realize how unimportant that stuff is in the scheme of things. We want people to show up for us, but do we show up?

Celebrate life, spend time with family, get to know your elders, its about quality time, being there — because one day you….or they may not be.

Dear Dad

Posted on by missycooper1

I wish things had been different.  I wish I had known you before you disappeared, before things got crazy.  My memories are sketchy, so I don’t recall much.   There was a picture of me and my sister with you at the beach.  We looked like we had so much fun.  Others with you and that big smile, those kind eyes, the long hippy hair.  Mom said she loved you once.  There are the stories from the Aunts that loved you and said you were so cool.

I was 2 years old when Read More

Being thankful in the face of adversity

Posted on by missycooper1

Thank you.  I appreciate it.  I appreciate you.  Gracia.  Many thanks.  That meant a lot to me.  You helped me more than you know.  You rock!

These are all ways to express gratitude for the gifts large and small that come upon us in our lives.  Thanksgiving is a good day to celebrate your life and revel in the blessings that you are surrounded with each day.  It may be difficult to find something to be thankful for sometimes, especially for those that may be managing a tragedy such as a job loss, financial troubles, mental health concerns, illness, the death of a loved one, or other misfortunes that come around in life.  Even in these most difficult times, finding the things that make you smile, that offer you even moments of joy in your life may build the momentum to bring you out of the life situation you may be in.  There is a saying, “Choose your attitude”  and, “live your  life with intention.” Read More

Healing after loss

Posted on by missycooper1

How do you console a person experiencing grief?  Whether it is a loved one, a client, or coworker, the words never seem to be full enough to say enough; and the gifts, cards and flowers seem trivial when compared to what the person is experiencing.  So, how can you help a person experiencing tragedy?  In the past few months, several people I know have experienced loss of loved ones, illness, and tragic events beyond their control. Even this week, I received the sad news that my grandmother is in the hospital, and my cousin’s young daughter is having heart trouble.  In my experience, folks have told me that the best thing to do is to just be there.  The comfort comes from knowing you care, and that if they need you, you are there. Read More