We’ve Never Been More Connected — Yet Loneliness Is Rising

Why human connection may be one of the most powerful medicines we have.

After my grandfather passed away, my grandmother spent many years alone in their home, the one he had built, and they raised their family in for more than four decades – then – one day she fell down the stairs and earned a concussion and several stitches. She was still pretty young and independent, but really isolated. After much contemplation, she sold the house and moved into a senior apartment complex. We didn’t realize how lonely she was until we experienced her after this change. Her happiness, adventures and friendships enriched her life exponentially. I always look back at how the relationships she made in those last 15 years brought her back to life and gave her and us so much more of the matriarch we loved. I think about the elders who may not have that support and remain isolated. I also think about how many elders aren’t as lucky as my grandmother. Those with no one to watch out for them, to get them to a better tomorrow.

Stories like this are more common than we realize. And science is now telling us something important:

Loneliness isn’t just painful emotionally — it can be dangerous to our health.

TL;DR

Loneliness isn’t just an emotional experience—it’s a health risk. Research shows social isolation can increase dementia risk by around 50%, raise the likelihood of chronic illness, and increase the risk of early death. The good news? Social connection is powerful medicine. Small acts—volunteering, joining a community group, or simply checking on someone—can improve both your health and someone else’s life.

The Hidden Health Risks of Loneliness
Research consistently shows that social isolation and loneliness can have serious consequences for the body and brain.

Some of the most compelling findings from the U.S. Surgeon General Social Connection Advisory and Johns Hopkins Medicine include:

-Social isolation is associated with a 50% increased risk of dementia.
-Poor social relationships are linked to 29% increased risk of heart disease and 32% increased risk of stroke.
-Loneliness and social isolation are associated with about a 26–32% increased risk of premature death.
-Social isolation is associated with worsening chronic illness and poorer overall health outcomes.

In other words, the absence of meaningful connection doesn’t just hurt emotionally—it affects how our bodies function, how our brains age, and how long we live.

Loneliness isn’t just a feeling. For many people, it’s becoming a health risk.

Humans are biologically wired for connection. Our nervous systems, stress responses, and emotional regulation all respond to the presence of supportive relationships.

Connection is not a luxury. It’s part of how we stay healthy.

Why Phones and Technology Can’t Replace Real Connection
We live in the most technologically connected time in human history. We can message anyone instantly. See updates from hundreds of people daily. Join online communities from anywhere in the world.

And yet loneliness is rising.

Phones, social media, and technology can help us stay in touch, but they cannot replace what our brains and bodies truly need from connection.

Real connection includes things like:

-eye contact
-shared experiences
-laughter
-physical presence
-deep conversation

Scrolling through feeds or exchanging quick messages often lacks the emotional depth our brains evolved to experience.

Notifications are not the same as connection. Our brains know the difference.

Technology is a tool. But it cannot replace relationships.

Why Loneliness Increases the Risk of Dementia
Researchers are still learning exactly why loneliness impacts brain health, but several factors appear to play a role.

When we regularly engage with others, our brains stay active. Conversation, emotional connection, and shared experiences stimulate areas of the brain involved in memory, language, and decision-making.

In many ways, social interaction acts like exercise for the brain. When social interaction decreases, several things can happen:

Reduced cognitive stimulation
Meaningful conversations and shared activities challenge the brain. Without these interactions, the brain may not receive the stimulation that helps maintain cognitive strength.

Increased stress and inflammation
Loneliness can trigger chronic stress responses in the body. Over time, elevated stress hormones and inflammation can negatively affect brain health.

Higher risk of depression and inactivity
Loneliness often leads people to withdraw further, reducing physical activity, mental engagement, and social interaction—all factors that protect brain health as we age.

This is why researchers increasingly consider social connection one of the most important protective factors for healthy aging. Friendship, conversation, laughter, and shared experiences aren’t just enjoyable. They are part of how we keep our minds healthy and resilient.

Social Connection Is Medicine
The encouraging news is that connection is powerful. People who maintain strong social relationships often experience:

-Better mental health
-Lower stress levels
-Stronger immune systems
-Greater resilience during illness
-Healthier cognitive aging

Connection acts like a protective buffer that helps our bodies and minds navigate life’s challenges. But what if your social circle feels small? Many people experience loneliness not because they want to be isolated, but because life circumstances slowly shrink their social world.

The good news is that connection can be built—often through small intentional steps.

Practical Ways to Build Connection
You don’t need dozens of friends to feel connected. What matters most is meaningful interaction.

Here are a few ways to begin expanding your social world.

Volunteer
Helping others is one of the fastest ways to build meaningful relationships. Volunteering creates connection through shared purpose—whether at a food bank, community garden, animal shelter, church, or youth organization.

Join a Community Group
Communities are full of opportunities for connection:

-book clubs
-fitness classes
-walking or hiking groups
-art classes
-faith communities
-continuing education programs

Even one weekly activity can create a sense of belonging.

Start Small Conversations
Connection doesn’t have to begin with something big. Try small interactions:

-chatting with a neighbor
-talking with someone at the gym
-asking a coworker to grab coffee
-engaging in conversation at a community event

Small moments often grow into real relationships.

Reach Out First
Many people are lonely—but everyone assumes others are too busy.

Send the text. Make the call. Invite someone for lunch.

You might be opening the door for someone who needed connection just as much as you did!

Check on the People Who May Be Quietly Struggling
Loneliness is especially common among:

-older adults
-caregivers
-people with chronic illness
-those who have recently moved
-individuals going through life transitions

Sometimes the people who appear “fine” are the ones who have gone the longest without meaningful connection. A simple message like “I was thinking about you today” can mean more than we realize.

Sometimes the smallest act of connection can change someone’s entire day — or even their life.

Reflection: A Few Questions to Consider
Take a moment to reflect:

When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation where you truly felt seen or heard?

Is there someone in your life who might be feeling lonely right now that you could check in on today?

What is one small step you could take this week to build more connection in your life?

Connection often begins with something small.

A message.
An invitation.
A moment of kindness.

Humans Aren’t Meant to Do Life Alone
Connection is part of what makes us human. We heal through relationships. We grow through relationships. And sometimes the smallest acts of kindness become lifelines for someone else.

So check on your elders. Invite someone into conversation. Volunteer in your community. Join something new.

And whenever you can—be the light for someone else. Because connection doesn’t just change lives.

It saves them.


The world doesn’t need more notifications. It needs more neighbors, more conversations, and more people willing to show up for each other.

Stay Connected
If this article resonated with you, you’re not alone. Many of us are trying to navigate modern life while still holding onto what matters most—connection, growth, and meaningful relationships.

If you’d like to read more reflections like this:

• Follow the blog for future posts
• Share this article with someone who may need it
• Start a conversation in the comments

Sometimes the smallest conversations lead to the most meaningful connections.

If someone came to mind while reading this, reach out to them today. Connection often begins with a simple “I was thinking about you.”

Clarity Creates Space

TL;DR: When life feels too full to grow, the answer isn’t more time — it’s more clarity. Clarify what matters, build small systems, and get 1% better each day. Clarity creates space. Space creates growth.

“I just don’t have time.” Welp – I have said that a time or two.

It’s the anthem of high-capacity people.
Professionals. Parents. Leaders. Builders of meaningful lives.

But what if improvement doesn’t require more time — just better intention?

What if growth isn’t about overhauling your life… but about getting 1% better today?

The Myth of “When Things Slow Down”

There’s a quiet lie we tell ourselves:

“When this season calms down, then I’ll focus on improving.”

The season doesn’t calm down.

The inbox refills.
The kids need something.
Work shifts again.

Life stays full.

Waiting for spaciousness before you build improvement is like waiting for the ocean to stop moving before you swim.

Instead, we build space inside the chaos.

1% Better: Systems Over Willpower

In Atomic Habits, James Clear writes:

You don’t rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.

Most of us set goals when we’re frustrated:

“I need to work out more.”
“I need to be more patient.”
“I need to lead better.”

But improvement doesn’t come from intensity.
It comes from identity and systems.

If you want to write more, don’t commit to writing a chapter. Commit to opening the document at the same time each day.

If you want to lead better, don’t commit to being inspirational. Commit to asking one clarifying question in every meeting.

That’s 1%.

Tiny. Repeatable. Sustainable.

And compounded daily, it changes everything.

Clarity Is Kind

Sometimes what we call “no time” is actually unspoken tension.

Unclear priorities.
Avoided conversations.
Unaligned expectations.

In Dare to Lead, Brené Brown says:

Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.

When we avoid tough, respectful, direct conversations, we create emotional clutter. And clutter consumes energy.

You can’t improve while managing ambiguity.

So instead of asking, “Where do I find more time?” ask:

  • What is actually most important right now?
  • What conversation am I avoiding?
  • What needs to be clarified so I can move forward cleanly?

Clarity creates space.
Space reduces stress.
Reduced stress fuels growth.

Get to the Bottom of What Really Matters

High performers often try to improve everything at once.

That’s exhausting.

Instead, ask:

If I could improve just one thing over the next 30 days that would create disproportionate impact, what would it be?

Then build a system around that.

Not a motivational speech.
Not a vision board.
A system.

  • A recurring reminder.
  • A scheduled check-in.
  • A habit trigger.
  • A measurable action.

Improvement requires structure more than inspiration.

Identity: Who Are You Becoming?

James Clear emphasizes identity-based habits.
Brené Brown emphasizes aligned values.

Together, they ask the same question:

Who are you becoming?

Not:

  • What are you achieving?
  • What are you fixing?
  • What are you proving?

But:

  • What kind of leader?
  • What kind of parent?
  • What kind of partner?
  • What kind of human?

Improvement feels overwhelming when it’s disconnected from identity.

But when it’s rooted in who you want to be, it becomes directional — not reactive.

The Practical Reset

If you feel like you don’t have time to improve, try this:

1. Pick one area. Not five. One.
2. Define the 1% behavior. What is the smallest repeatable action?
3. Attach it to something you already do. Make it automatic.
4. Remove one unclear conversation. Clarity frees capacity.
5. Track consistency, not perfection.

Improvement requires structure more than inspiration.

Final Thought

You don’t need a different life to grow.

You need a different lens.

Improvement doesn’t demand more hours.
It demands intention.

And the compound effect of small, clear, courageous actions — repeated daily — is how we become who we say we want to be.

One percent at a time.

What’s one small 1% shift that would create space for you this week?

I feel like I was punched in the gut

I literally just read the awful news that Roe v. Wade was overturned by the Supreme Court. I feel like I cant breathe. Everyday it seems like rights are taken from us. Death, destruction, war, panic, fear, opportunity, options at all for some. We as people are being stifled and oppressed and told to just bend over and take it! This is NOT okay!

How should it be anyone’s right to make decisions about the health and care of your own body? Women can make a decision to remove their breasts if they are concerned about cancer, but not reproductive health? If men were the ones to get pregnant this would be a non issue.

I was told a few stories recently that the general public may not understand about what danger is now in store for women. Whether you believe in abortion or not…that really isnt the only issue. There are women who unfortunately have children who die in the womb. Or who at no fault of the mother, the fetus could kill the mother if brought to term. There are also babies that will die once out of the womb.

And those children now will have to be brought to term (due date) before able to be delivered. It will now be illegal to remove the fetus even at risk of the mother dying. One person shared this was the most traumatic event in her life. Besides losing the baby, she was deathly sick. The deteriorating baby was causing toxicity in the mama. If she carried to due date she would die. Then the process of finding a place to remove the fetus was very difficult in her conservative state. The thought of going through this process now, safely, is nearly impossible. Please see this story for a personal account of the events that occur and will be made worse now. https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/roe-v-wade-overturned-wanted-pregnancy-miscarriage-b2108799.html

Why are we going backwards? Why are rights being taken away? Why are guns and control over women and people of color where we need to go back to? Where is the America that stands for freedom and justice FOR ALL? Whose agenda is this? The wealthy elite who think we will be so distracted with survival in this new awful world they can do what they want? F@$k that!

You can do something. You have to do something! You can vote for those who want to preserve our democracy, protect our children and women. Those who will remove oppressive and divisive practices from law. You can Vote for those that want to save our planet from climate change. You can Vote for those who will tax the billionaires. Those who stand up to bullies. Those who believe we can all dream and succeed. You can also run for public office and work to change your own communities.

Please don’t give up. Please dont become so overwhelmed that you do nothing. Your voice matters and if you do nothing those that wish to hold the power to oppress win. And we all lose.

Dream

Once upon a time I had a dream. I wrote it down…I thought about it. I talked about it, I asked questions, I did research. I did the work…I did some work, maybe not enough work. I stalled, I second guessed, I paused, I researched some more, I believed more in the not than the can be. I was afraid. I was paralyzed. What if? What do I want? Will this honor God? Will this honor me? My family? Will the work, the time, the sacrifice be for not?

How do I reconcile the dream from reality. If there is a desire in my heart, I must see it through….God would not keep pushing and urging me if it’s not important. But what is important? How do I take a break from my most important job with my little people during a pandemic and feel ok about it? Is that an excuse? Can I begin to take time for me?

These are the thoughts of a mother. A mother who loves her children and thinks of them before herself. I’m sure there are those that can relate. I have to say it, I matter too. You matter too. Your needs and success matter too. It’s okay to take a break and self-care so that you can be a wonderful role model of balance. You got this!

Action is always better than inaction. Take that action to make your dreams come true!

What dreams are you working on? What tactics do you use to balance your needs with the needs of your loved ones?

Fearless…also known as sister

When we were kids I idolized her. She was the most beautiful funny fire-hearted person I had ever seen. One night, when I was 9 or 10 she talked me into sneaking out. She was 13 or so and beyond worldly in my eyes. I had absolute trust. After our parents were asleep for a while, I tiptoed down to her room. As I crept through the door, her smile lit the dark room. She was so excited. Was it because of the adventure to come or because I believed in her so fully?

We worked together to pull the screen out of the window, careful to make no noise. She slunk out the window with expertise. My heart beat in my ears, my palms grew moist. As I looked at her, she saw my fear and motioned for me to come closer. I stuck my head out the window and she whispered, “it’s ok, it’s not as far down as it looks and I’m here to catch you if you fall.” With that reassurance my heart began to slow and excitement crept in. I turned my body, working to descend in the same snake like style as my sister, but I looked more like a dumpling dropping into a hot pot. Before I hit the ground I felt her hands around my waist. Surrounding me in the safety net I needed to push through.

I don’t remember much else about the night. I believe we got busted and grounded. But I do remember how I felt about my sister. How much her strength encouraged me and helped me feel safe. Now that she’s gone all I have are memories. My whole life I always wished I had her strength, but maybe I do… maybe I have had it all along…maybe I can remember the fire and courage she taught me and honor her by letting go of excuses and live a life that inspires people. A life that helps other people see that you can break through fear and insecurity by following faith and believing in yourself.

God created us… created me and you to be everything our heart desires so we can serve as an example of His Grace and love. Playing small honors no one and nothing. Fear is a choice. Success is planned, disciplined actions that prepare you for opportunity.

One day, one choice, one action at a time.

How are you you honoring your spirit today?

Ying or yang? Finding balance through your inner dialogue.

Picture Courtesy myepiclove.files.wordpress.com

I found a poem about balance that I wrote many years ago.  It is a great lead into the topic of finding balance and appreciation in all aspects of life.

sometimes the sun shines on my life, it makes my whole world glow. 
i love to feel the warmth on my skin, on my soul.
other days the rain pours on my heart and overflows into areas that are saturated.
every part of life needs this balance.
without sunshine, my flowers will not grow.
without rain, my garden would dry out and die.
i am grateful for both the good and the bad. 
those opposite forces bring balance, contentment, appreciation.
~Melissa Cooper

 It may be hard sometimes to find anything positive when unfortunate events occur, but this way of thinking Read More

Having a baby – you want me to do what?

A friend recently asked me to write about expectations of a man and a woman when having a baby. Well, we talked about expectations a bit in my recent blog, so let’s reframe that to, understanding the relationship transition with a newborn. When two people decide to have or are blessed with the joy of children, there is a 9 month delay for good reason. Even with adoptions, the process takes time. Being a parent is an awesome responsibility and notably the hardest job on the planet. When embarking upon this new life, it may be easier if you are able to prepare more than 9 months out.

Discussions about values, beliefs, and family rules are a great way to start preparing. Just like navigating the rules in the relationship, new patterns and processes will be an important aspect of your new family dynamic. There will be some things that are extremely important to each parent as your child develops. Having the conversations about what is most important to you, prior to pregnancy, may help alleviate future disagreements or misunderstandings. And then, there are those grand ideas you may have that just don’t work out the way you envisioned. Establishing open, collaborative lines of communication will make future decision making easier.

Written and unwritten or verbal and nonverbal rules exist in all families. A written rule may be – we shower before bedtime, no eating in the bedrooms, saying please and thank you, or no feet on the furniture. An unwritten rule might be something that children observe about the way to behave or what is accepted in the family. Children look to their parents to know what is right or wrong. For example, if the child normally goes to the grocery store with mom, but this week goes with dad, the child may inform dad that they are picking the “wrong” items. The mom never said Cheerios were the “right” cereal, however over time, the child observed the mother’s behavior and determined what was “right.” This concept is extremely important to embrace as a future parent. You have the single most important influence on this little person, more than any other person will have. Have you looked at yourself? Have you thought about the legacy you want to leave behind? Have you identified the issues you struggle with so you can change them, so your children don’t inherit those same behaviors, thoughts, or beliefs?

I grew up knowing that dating outside my race wasn’t acceptable. Nothing explicit was said, but there were comments made that implied it would not be accepted. I didn’t believe the things I heard about other groups of people, and was fortunate to attend school with a diverse student body who I came to know for who they were, not only by the color of their skin. This experience helped me understand how important it is to teach my kids to evaluate people on their characteristics, and to not pass judgment based on what I see.

The hard part was taking my new knowledge of people and weaving it into my family dynamic. The implied or unwritten rules just didn’t make sense anymore, and if my parents were wrong about this, I wondered: what else were they wrong about? It is the little things that are seen and heard, kids don’t miss a thing! As a parent, I know there will be times when I make mistakes, but I truly hope the legacy I leave with them is to love and care for people, to constantly learn and ask questions before they make decisions about people, situations, or their own actions, and to become responsible engagers in the world around them.

So, the day arrives, Mom successfully delivers a healthy baby and you ecstatically, yet almost neurotically bring your bundle of joy home. During this time Mom will be experiencing the effects of her changing body, a very different schedule, and responsibilities will multiply and change.

All of a sudden there are a million more things to do, you’re nervous, worried, in awe of this little person you created, and exuberant all at once. Tasks like who will change diapers or get up in the middle of the night are important questions to negotiate.

Answering those questions will help you both identify which roles each parent will take on. Some partners may not be able to take much time off, so mom is home alone all day. Partners, be sure to help mom out when you get home from work and be patient with the transition.

Expectations may begin to seep in and get in the way of this beautiful journey. The lack of sleep doesn’t help things either, and Dad may feel dethroned, or left out. Making time for each other may seem like the last thing you can squeeze into your busy schedule, but even taking a few moments a day to see each other – not just exist side by side, but see the love of your life, and remember why you got into this relationship may help smooth out the rough parts.

Some parents prefer certain activities over others, but a partnership is the most realistic way to go so both parties don’t feel unappreciated or overworked. The most important thing is to talk to each other. When one person in the relationship feels angry, overwhelmed, depressed, uncertain, scared, or any other range of emotion and does not share it, that is the beginning of a slippery slope. I liken it to a funnel cloud that in time will turn into a tornado, unexpectedly wiping everything in its path.

If you say it out loud, then you can do something with it. Counseling may be a great way to learn effective negotiating strategies during this time of great transition, even if only Mom gets a chance to talk to someone, it may be incredibly helpful. Many moms experience the baby blues due to hormonal rebalancing from 4-5 days after delivery until about 14 days post delivery. If you do not notice an improvement in your mood, you may have postpartum depression. Please seek help from your care provider.

As stated previously, parenting is a lot of work, the folks who do it on their own definitely deserve some type of award nomination. I mean — how do you do it? Single parents – you are amazing people, give yourself a break, you are doing the best you can. As long as your kids know you love them – you are doing it right!

Helpful websites for new parents:

babycenter.com app available for smartphones

thebump.com app available for smartphones

parenting.com

dr.spock.com

parents.com app for the magazine available, have to pay for the magazine

Please share your tips and comments on parenting!

Externalizing the Problem

This is a great activity I learned from one of my amazing professors at University of South Florida, Dr. Ryan Henry.  You can use it with a client or even with yourselves to better understand Read More

Creating a Vision for your Future

One of my favorite exercises in the substance abuse IOP group therapy sessions was Life Mapping. My supervisor used to remind our clients that the work we were doing was great work for all people, including folks with addictions. It was just plain old, good therapy! This exercise helps clients create a clear picture for what they want in their lives. It grew out of some work one of my previous supervisors had done with a Covey leadership development class.

So, how does it work? First, you identify your core values. Examples may include family, career, spirituality, integrity, health, education and sobriety. Then you identify how your current behaviors go against those values. How are the choices and decisions I make dishonoring my core values? For example, if family is your value, perhaps your current behavior is isolating you from your family or causing arguments. Or for career, perhaps your lack of follow through or completion of deadlines is inhibiting your career growth. Here is a worksheet to get you started: VALUES WORKSHEET

Next, you identify what outcomes you would like to see for each value. What do you want in your life? For family, perhaps it is a closer relationship with loved ones, for spirituality maybe it means a closer relationship with God, and for health perhaps your outcome would be feeling well, reducing risk factors or unhealthy behaviors.

Next, you identify the tasks associated with each outcome. These would be the specific behaviors or actions that are critical to accomplishing your outcomes and staying true to your core values.

Examples of tasks for health may be: eat 5 small meals a day, count my calories, exercise 3 days per week for 30 minutes, practice meditation 5 minutes each day.

For family, some examples might include: eat dinner together every night at 6pm, spend time as a family outside the home 2 times per month for at least 2 hours doing an activity in which we are engaged with each other (not going to a movie), implement a date night on Fridays with my spouse.

For career, tasks may include: get to work 5 minutes early each day, ask for additional training, meet with my supervisor to develop a development plan. I created this worksheet: LIFE MAPPING WORKSHEET to assist you in Creating your Vision.

The next phase is consolidating your Life Map into a Vision Statement. This one can take some time, and I recommend doing a talk-through-walk-through first.

Pretend I am an old friend and have not seen you for a year, and I see you at the supermarket and say, “Hey there! I haven’t seen you in such a long time. How are you? Tell me what’s new in your life?” Using the information you gathered about what outcomes you want for your life from your Life Map, speak as though you are currently living the life you have envisioned in your diagram. Use the tasks and outcomes to describe the changes that have occurred in your life. An example may be something like this:

Gosh, Missy, so much has happened! Life is great! I feel calm and peaceful, my family relationships are loving and connected and we spend time together having fun and learning. My body is strong and ready for each new day that comes. My career has moved to a new level where I feel proud and motivated each day. My relationship with God grows each day through prayer and meditation.

As I blogged about before, creating clarity is the beginning of the process of change. Iyanla Vanzant said in a speech she gave on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday, “Your eyes adjust to the amount of deficiency present.” Think about that.

Read it again….Your eyes….adjust….to the amount of deficiency present.

So you get used to deciphering life through fuzzy eyes, you adapt and compensate, and inevitably miss things. If our vision for our lives is unclear, or we cannot even see an outcome that we would like or need, than we begin to believe that the possibility of our hopes and dreams are unachievable.

The deficiency may be the story we tell ourselves, the doubts we allow others to speak into us, or the insecurities that stifle us. Sometimes we let others talk us into or out of what we truly want and sometimes we do not need any help setting ourselves back. We may even begin to believe that the dreams we have are unrealistic. How will you nurture and foster your dreams to create a vision for your future?

“The man who thinks he can and the man who thinks he can’t are both right. Which one are you?” ~ Henry Ford

Fear…a dirty four letter word!

A few blogs ago we talked a bit about finding love that lasts and how that dirty four letter word – fear – impacts love, decisions, motivation and life in general, so I thought I would share a recent fear of my own. Read More