We’ve Never Been More Connected — Yet Loneliness Is Rising

Why human connection may be one of the most powerful medicines we have.

After my grandfather passed away, my grandmother spent many years alone in their home, the one he had built, and they raised their family in for more than four decades – then – one day she fell down the stairs and earned a concussion and several stitches. She was still pretty young and independent, but really isolated. After much contemplation, she sold the house and moved into a senior apartment complex. We didn’t realize how lonely she was until we experienced her after this change. Her happiness, adventures and friendships enriched her life exponentially. I always look back at how the relationships she made in those last 15 years brought her back to life and gave her and us so much more of the matriarch we loved. I think about the elders who may not have that support and remain isolated. I also think about how many elders aren’t as lucky as my grandmother. Those with no one to watch out for them, to get them to a better tomorrow.

Stories like this are more common than we realize. And science is now telling us something important:

Loneliness isn’t just painful emotionally — it can be dangerous to our health.

TL;DR

Loneliness isn’t just an emotional experience—it’s a health risk. Research shows social isolation can increase dementia risk by around 50%, raise the likelihood of chronic illness, and increase the risk of early death. The good news? Social connection is powerful medicine. Small acts—volunteering, joining a community group, or simply checking on someone—can improve both your health and someone else’s life.

The Hidden Health Risks of Loneliness
Research consistently shows that social isolation and loneliness can have serious consequences for the body and brain.

Some of the most compelling findings from the U.S. Surgeon General Social Connection Advisory and Johns Hopkins Medicine include:

-Social isolation is associated with a 50% increased risk of dementia.
-Poor social relationships are linked to 29% increased risk of heart disease and 32% increased risk of stroke.
-Loneliness and social isolation are associated with about a 26–32% increased risk of premature death.
-Social isolation is associated with worsening chronic illness and poorer overall health outcomes.

In other words, the absence of meaningful connection doesn’t just hurt emotionally—it affects how our bodies function, how our brains age, and how long we live.

Loneliness isn’t just a feeling. For many people, it’s becoming a health risk.

Humans are biologically wired for connection. Our nervous systems, stress responses, and emotional regulation all respond to the presence of supportive relationships.

Connection is not a luxury. It’s part of how we stay healthy.

Why Phones and Technology Can’t Replace Real Connection
We live in the most technologically connected time in human history. We can message anyone instantly. See updates from hundreds of people daily. Join online communities from anywhere in the world.

And yet loneliness is rising.

Phones, social media, and technology can help us stay in touch, but they cannot replace what our brains and bodies truly need from connection.

Real connection includes things like:

-eye contact
-shared experiences
-laughter
-physical presence
-deep conversation

Scrolling through feeds or exchanging quick messages often lacks the emotional depth our brains evolved to experience.

Notifications are not the same as connection. Our brains know the difference.

Technology is a tool. But it cannot replace relationships.

Why Loneliness Increases the Risk of Dementia
Researchers are still learning exactly why loneliness impacts brain health, but several factors appear to play a role.

When we regularly engage with others, our brains stay active. Conversation, emotional connection, and shared experiences stimulate areas of the brain involved in memory, language, and decision-making.

In many ways, social interaction acts like exercise for the brain. When social interaction decreases, several things can happen:

Reduced cognitive stimulation
Meaningful conversations and shared activities challenge the brain. Without these interactions, the brain may not receive the stimulation that helps maintain cognitive strength.

Increased stress and inflammation
Loneliness can trigger chronic stress responses in the body. Over time, elevated stress hormones and inflammation can negatively affect brain health.

Higher risk of depression and inactivity
Loneliness often leads people to withdraw further, reducing physical activity, mental engagement, and social interaction—all factors that protect brain health as we age.

This is why researchers increasingly consider social connection one of the most important protective factors for healthy aging. Friendship, conversation, laughter, and shared experiences aren’t just enjoyable. They are part of how we keep our minds healthy and resilient.

Social Connection Is Medicine
The encouraging news is that connection is powerful. People who maintain strong social relationships often experience:

-Better mental health
-Lower stress levels
-Stronger immune systems
-Greater resilience during illness
-Healthier cognitive aging

Connection acts like a protective buffer that helps our bodies and minds navigate life’s challenges. But what if your social circle feels small? Many people experience loneliness not because they want to be isolated, but because life circumstances slowly shrink their social world.

The good news is that connection can be built—often through small intentional steps.

Practical Ways to Build Connection
You don’t need dozens of friends to feel connected. What matters most is meaningful interaction.

Here are a few ways to begin expanding your social world.

Volunteer
Helping others is one of the fastest ways to build meaningful relationships. Volunteering creates connection through shared purpose—whether at a food bank, community garden, animal shelter, church, or youth organization.

Join a Community Group
Communities are full of opportunities for connection:

-book clubs
-fitness classes
-walking or hiking groups
-art classes
-faith communities
-continuing education programs

Even one weekly activity can create a sense of belonging.

Start Small Conversations
Connection doesn’t have to begin with something big. Try small interactions:

-chatting with a neighbor
-talking with someone at the gym
-asking a coworker to grab coffee
-engaging in conversation at a community event

Small moments often grow into real relationships.

Reach Out First
Many people are lonely—but everyone assumes others are too busy.

Send the text. Make the call. Invite someone for lunch.

You might be opening the door for someone who needed connection just as much as you did!

Check on the People Who May Be Quietly Struggling
Loneliness is especially common among:

-older adults
-caregivers
-people with chronic illness
-those who have recently moved
-individuals going through life transitions

Sometimes the people who appear “fine” are the ones who have gone the longest without meaningful connection. A simple message like “I was thinking about you today” can mean more than we realize.

Sometimes the smallest act of connection can change someone’s entire day — or even their life.

Reflection: A Few Questions to Consider
Take a moment to reflect:

When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation where you truly felt seen or heard?

Is there someone in your life who might be feeling lonely right now that you could check in on today?

What is one small step you could take this week to build more connection in your life?

Connection often begins with something small.

A message.
An invitation.
A moment of kindness.

Humans Aren’t Meant to Do Life Alone
Connection is part of what makes us human. We heal through relationships. We grow through relationships. And sometimes the smallest acts of kindness become lifelines for someone else.

So check on your elders. Invite someone into conversation. Volunteer in your community. Join something new.

And whenever you can—be the light for someone else. Because connection doesn’t just change lives.

It saves them.


The world doesn’t need more notifications. It needs more neighbors, more conversations, and more people willing to show up for each other.

Stay Connected
If this article resonated with you, you’re not alone. Many of us are trying to navigate modern life while still holding onto what matters most—connection, growth, and meaningful relationships.

If you’d like to read more reflections like this:

• Follow the blog for future posts
• Share this article with someone who may need it
• Start a conversation in the comments

Sometimes the smallest conversations lead to the most meaningful connections.

If someone came to mind while reading this, reach out to them today. Connection often begins with a simple “I was thinking about you.”

Clarity Creates Space

TL;DR: When life feels too full to grow, the answer isn’t more time — it’s more clarity. Clarify what matters, build small systems, and get 1% better each day. Clarity creates space. Space creates growth.

“I just don’t have time.” Welp – I have said that a time or two.

It’s the anthem of high-capacity people.
Professionals. Parents. Leaders. Builders of meaningful lives.

But what if improvement doesn’t require more time — just better intention?

What if growth isn’t about overhauling your life… but about getting 1% better today?

The Myth of “When Things Slow Down”

There’s a quiet lie we tell ourselves:

“When this season calms down, then I’ll focus on improving.”

The season doesn’t calm down.

The inbox refills.
The kids need something.
Work shifts again.

Life stays full.

Waiting for spaciousness before you build improvement is like waiting for the ocean to stop moving before you swim.

Instead, we build space inside the chaos.

1% Better: Systems Over Willpower

In Atomic Habits, James Clear writes:

You don’t rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.

Most of us set goals when we’re frustrated:

“I need to work out more.”
“I need to be more patient.”
“I need to lead better.”

But improvement doesn’t come from intensity.
It comes from identity and systems.

If you want to write more, don’t commit to writing a chapter. Commit to opening the document at the same time each day.

If you want to lead better, don’t commit to being inspirational. Commit to asking one clarifying question in every meeting.

That’s 1%.

Tiny. Repeatable. Sustainable.

And compounded daily, it changes everything.

Clarity Is Kind

Sometimes what we call “no time” is actually unspoken tension.

Unclear priorities.
Avoided conversations.
Unaligned expectations.

In Dare to Lead, Brené Brown says:

Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.

When we avoid tough, respectful, direct conversations, we create emotional clutter. And clutter consumes energy.

You can’t improve while managing ambiguity.

So instead of asking, “Where do I find more time?” ask:

  • What is actually most important right now?
  • What conversation am I avoiding?
  • What needs to be clarified so I can move forward cleanly?

Clarity creates space.
Space reduces stress.
Reduced stress fuels growth.

Get to the Bottom of What Really Matters

High performers often try to improve everything at once.

That’s exhausting.

Instead, ask:

If I could improve just one thing over the next 30 days that would create disproportionate impact, what would it be?

Then build a system around that.

Not a motivational speech.
Not a vision board.
A system.

  • A recurring reminder.
  • A scheduled check-in.
  • A habit trigger.
  • A measurable action.

Improvement requires structure more than inspiration.

Identity: Who Are You Becoming?

James Clear emphasizes identity-based habits.
Brené Brown emphasizes aligned values.

Together, they ask the same question:

Who are you becoming?

Not:

  • What are you achieving?
  • What are you fixing?
  • What are you proving?

But:

  • What kind of leader?
  • What kind of parent?
  • What kind of partner?
  • What kind of human?

Improvement feels overwhelming when it’s disconnected from identity.

But when it’s rooted in who you want to be, it becomes directional — not reactive.

The Practical Reset

If you feel like you don’t have time to improve, try this:

1. Pick one area. Not five. One.
2. Define the 1% behavior. What is the smallest repeatable action?
3. Attach it to something you already do. Make it automatic.
4. Remove one unclear conversation. Clarity frees capacity.
5. Track consistency, not perfection.

Improvement requires structure more than inspiration.

Final Thought

You don’t need a different life to grow.

You need a different lens.

Improvement doesn’t demand more hours.
It demands intention.

And the compound effect of small, clear, courageous actions — repeated daily — is how we become who we say we want to be.

One percent at a time.

What’s one small 1% shift that would create space for you this week?

Dream

Once upon a time I had a dream. I wrote it down…I thought about it. I talked about it, I asked questions, I did research. I did the work…I did some work, maybe not enough work. I stalled, I second guessed, I paused, I researched some more, I believed more in the not than the can be. I was afraid. I was paralyzed. What if? What do I want? Will this honor God? Will this honor me? My family? Will the work, the time, the sacrifice be for not?

How do I reconcile the dream from reality. If there is a desire in my heart, I must see it through….God would not keep pushing and urging me if it’s not important. But what is important? How do I take a break from my most important job with my little people during a pandemic and feel ok about it? Is that an excuse? Can I begin to take time for me?

These are the thoughts of a mother. A mother who loves her children and thinks of them before herself. I’m sure there are those that can relate. I have to say it, I matter too. You matter too. Your needs and success matter too. It’s okay to take a break and self-care so that you can be a wonderful role model of balance. You got this!

Action is always better than inaction. Take that action to make your dreams come true!

What dreams are you working on? What tactics do you use to balance your needs with the needs of your loved ones?

Fearless…also known as sister

When we were kids I idolized her. She was the most beautiful funny fire-hearted person I had ever seen. One night, when I was 9 or 10 she talked me into sneaking out. She was 13 or so and beyond worldly in my eyes. I had absolute trust. After our parents were asleep for a while, I tiptoed down to her room. As I crept through the door, her smile lit the dark room. She was so excited. Was it because of the adventure to come or because I believed in her so fully?

We worked together to pull the screen out of the window, careful to make no noise. She slunk out the window with expertise. My heart beat in my ears, my palms grew moist. As I looked at her, she saw my fear and motioned for me to come closer. I stuck my head out the window and she whispered, “it’s ok, it’s not as far down as it looks and I’m here to catch you if you fall.” With that reassurance my heart began to slow and excitement crept in. I turned my body, working to descend in the same snake like style as my sister, but I looked more like a dumpling dropping into a hot pot. Before I hit the ground I felt her hands around my waist. Surrounding me in the safety net I needed to push through.

I don’t remember much else about the night. I believe we got busted and grounded. But I do remember how I felt about my sister. How much her strength encouraged me and helped me feel safe. Now that she’s gone all I have are memories. My whole life I always wished I had her strength, but maybe I do… maybe I have had it all along…maybe I can remember the fire and courage she taught me and honor her by letting go of excuses and live a life that inspires people. A life that helps other people see that you can break through fear and insecurity by following faith and believing in yourself.

God created us… created me and you to be everything our heart desires so we can serve as an example of His Grace and love. Playing small honors no one and nothing. Fear is a choice. Success is planned, disciplined actions that prepare you for opportunity.

One day, one choice, one action at a time.

How are you you honoring your spirit today?

Managing school reopenings and my emotions

Image from https://www.mycustomer.com/experience/engagement/the-20-emotions-that-drive-or-destroy-value-in-customer-experience

It seems like all I have been able to think about is this upcoming school year. I’m sure I’m not alone with millions of parents contemplating their children’s futures as we speak.

It’s an exciting chapter, since my 5-year old will be attending kindergarten. He’s been going to a great daycare for years, so we aren’t unfamiliar with his being away from home, but our current climate makes the idea of elementary school so surreal. Both kids have been home from daycare since mid-March along. We’ve been navigating learning, finding time for fun activities between work and home obligations while trying our best and failing many days to limit screen time.

Then once we finally decided what school the kid would go to and got accepted, the purgatory of finding out the learning format was too much. All the schools seems to be doing things a little different, the choices are so varied, in- person, hybrid, virtual, and homeschool. When I got word it was virtual only, I was so happy I didn’t have a choice because none of the options are awesome and it was one less thing to keep me up at night.

So, now my son will be involved in a virtual educational program. I will have to ensure assignments are done and uploaded, that virtual sessions are attended, that he still gets outside and doesn’t spend too much time on screens post-school. Ughh, I’m tired already! To those parents who have already done this last year, or have kids in multiple grades, I have been hearing the experiences weren’t the best. So, I am prepared to stay positive and do my best, because in the grand scheme of things, what else can we do? I have decided to Elsa it – I have let go the things I cannot control.

Look – 50% of days I feel like a failure, I miss something, perhaps a work deadline, perhaps the baby’s schedule is all off, or my meetings run long and I miss a much needed fun activity with the kids to reduce the screen-time. Some days there isn’t much left in the tank to cook, or hang out with my hubby or to call my girlfriends who I miss so much! And I take it personal, I say all the awful things one should never say to oneself, because sheesh, words and thoughts hurt! But then there are those days I am well-rested, I have gotten a workout in, I spend an extra minute slow dancing with my hubby, and I get the belly laughs from the kiddos.

Those days remind me that we don’t have to have it all figured out. That all we have is this moment – this moment to be better, to live from a place of love and be kind to ourselves and those around us.

I use the acronym STOP (Slow down, Think, Observe the Present moment) to remind me to take a minute when I am feeling overwhelmed or stressed out. When you stop and make that observation, it helps you gain perspective.

Many of us live in our minds, our thoughts take over and begin to spiral. I call this tornado self-talk. It’s easy to confuse thoughts for feelings, if we blame someone else, it’s likely a thought. Your feelings are your experience, you control them and have power to change them. You may be thinking your partner is ignoring you, but the feeling is hurt, or anger. Using I statements to discuss your feelings may help you separate out the thought from the feeling. For example, I feel angry and hurt when you don’t greet me in the morning when you get up.

I have attached a link below to a website with a feeling wheel. It is a wonderful list of uncomfortable and comfortable general emotions. You can start from the outside and work your way in to hone in on the specific general emotion. For example, maybe your boss said something in a meeting that left you feeling inadequate, the primary emotion would be embarrassed. How could you discuss the situation with your boss to prevent that type of situation in the future?

Since we don’t necessarily stop to observe and acknowledge what is going on in our bodies, how our body is feeling, or where are we experiencing tension. Use this STOP moment to feel your feelings. Is there heaviness in your heart? You may be feeling sad. Tension or discomfort in your stomach? You may be anxious. Tight neck, high blood pressure? You may be angry.

You can engage in self-reflection and ask the important questions to move forward:

  1. What is bothering me?
  2. What am I feeling in my body vs. what am I thinking in my mind?
    • (use emotion words – angry, hurt, sad, frustrated, powerless, scared; not thoughts – I feel judged, betrayed, taken for granted)
  3. What about this specific situation is unmanageable?
  4. How do I get through this moment?
  5. What actions are helping or harming me?
  6. What do I need do to make positive progress?

We all have challenging aspects of our lives, especially now. Take a moment, breathe, reflect and figure out what will bring positive, happy feelings to this time. If the kids watching one more episode gives you time to get in a workout or take a shower, let those feelings of screen-time guilt go and take care of you so you can be ready to work and teach tomorrow. Stay safe and be well.

Please share your stories, we learn to understand ourselves better when we can share our experiences.

Resources

Bodily maps of emotions by Lauri Nummenmaaa,b,c,1, Enrico Glereana, Riitta Harib,1, and Jari K. Hietanend

Emotion and Feeling Wheel from davidhodder.com

I Was a Screen–Time Expert. Then the Coronavirus Happened. by Anya Kamenetz

6 Tips for Managing your Emotions By Connected Marriage August 16, 2018

Making time for yourself in a pandemic

We are in a new normal, but how has this new normal affected us? How are we making space in our lives to stop and just be in the present moment? It’s so hard to stop watching the news or lament about our current reality and all the things we miss, like spending time with other people than our housemates, enjoying pampering activities, vacations, group activities like parties, sports, and concerts or just allowing people in your home to chill.

Then there are the musts that still have to occur, whether you’re teleworking, going into your worksite, or regretfully lost your job, worrying about your kids – their education, their health, their mental health, then child care concerns, school in the fall, the health of educators, teaching while parenting and working full time… and still finding time to be with your spouse/partner in meaningful ways.

It’s enough to make your head pop off. Like seriously…I’m only one person! Even with a super supportive engaged hubby, its tough.

And for those single parents out there, ya’ll are the real MVP’s! How you do what you do is commendable, and if no one told you today how awesome you are, soak it in, wear that cape like the super hero you are. I’m sending all the positive vibes and letting you know how appreciated you are.

We can really put ourselves through the ringer and adding that unneeded pressure to do it all…and if you’re anything like me, to do it all perfect…becomes problematic when reality sets in and reminds us that we are in fact human. YOU ARE NOT A ROBOT.

So how do we do it? It’s critical to identify your family’s needs and wants and set expectations so everyone knows what to work toward. Then make a plan to get it done. Next, identify the extras that would be cool to accomplish, finally the rewards are those special treats that you deserve for getting through all this and staying safe, and they can boost mental health.

MUSTS would be things like laundry, food shopping, making meals, work, school tasks, sleep, fitness, solo quiet time for your brain (at least 10-15 mins a day, more if you can). Some musts can be contracted out – could you order food online to save time? Could you wash a load of laundry each night? Could you use a meal delivery service to cut down on food prep or teach the kids to cook? Bonus! Cooking with kids is teaching, learning, having fun and creating memories while doing a daily chore. Taking a walk after dinner could fill that fitness need while giving much needed brain space to recharge.

EXTRAS are those things that put a little pep in your step. Watching a funny movie with the family. Having a healthy meal together, calling a friend, journaling, listening to music, video chatting with friends or family. Making a tiktok video to laugh at your mad dancing skills or cat/dog/baby videos.

REWARDS could be learning something new, reading a book, spending alone time with your partner, helping a neighbor, walking in nature, creating art or slime with your kids, giving yourself a pedicure, facial, or taking a bubble bath.

Then make a schedule and a plan, write it down. Make yourself a priority and don’t feel bad about it. Mom guilt comes fast and hard when we think of time away from the babes, but you need to take care of you so there is something left to care for the family.

I like to find time early in the morning before any other distractions so I can center and stay focused on my goals. I spend time with God, workout and attempt a learning video on YouTube a few times a week, other days I go for a Netflix comic or cat/dog/baby video on YouTube. I’m thankful my hubby is supportive and wrangles the littles during this time. It keeps me sane and fills my spiritual tank so I can be the person I am instead of the crabby lady that comes out from all the stress.

What do you do to take care of you? What extras and rewards are meaningful for you and how are you staying sane amid the pandemic?

Check out blessingmanifesting.com for more info on self-care.

Terminating the client-counselor relationship

Courtesy of tagxedo.com

What is the best way to end the counseling relationship?  A counselor’s hope is with the client in a better place and with a higher level of awareness.  Of course we want to know that we made a difference, but that’s the tricky part of working with humans.  We are all unique and results are measured differently.  With one client a certain level of progress may not seem very significant, but with others that same type of progress may be just enough to leave a lasting effect.  No matter how significant the results, terminating the counseling relationship is just as important as beginning it.

When meeting with a client, I like to be as proactive as possible.  The more information my clients have the better, that way there are no surprises.  Counseling is a very intimate relationship.  People don’t generally put their whole selves along with their secrets on the table for all to see, so developing the counseling relationship is instrumental.  Part of gaining trust comes with informed consent, making sure they know what to expect from you, and ending treatment in a respectful way.  Carl Rogers theory, person-centered approach, is drilled into your counseling education for a reason.  The three aspects Rogers believed are critical to the counseling relationship are unconditional positive regard, empathy, and genuineness.  If your clients feel that you are present-engaged- participating- and you care, they are much more inclined to do the work.  Get them started with an understanding that there will be an end within a timeline. This gives them a metaphorical carrot to chase; an outcome to look forward to.  One caution – you can be a part of the journey without getting on the bus.  Meaning, maintain your differentiation to prevent transference and countertransference.  It takes practice, patience, and diligence to confront your own emotions after a difficult session.  Be sure to take the time to meet with a supervisor or peer to process the session, your feelings and move through it.  We must constantly take care of ourselves, spend too much time giving all you have to everyone else, and there is little left to work with.  This work helps you and ultimately makes you a better counselor.   

The interesting part of counseling is when your clients surprise you.  Sometimes we can make termination such a big deal in our heads, and admittedly feel a bit disappointed when they are not nearly as bummed as we are to end the counseling relationship.  Bottom line…Inform them, Rogers them, and give them a loose outline so they can take you on an incredible journey!

Transformation is an experience that few of us have a front row ticket to, get in that mosh pit, get engaged, and take it all in. It will change your life as well.

Burnout

5amIt’s 5am, the alarm goes off and I realize another day awaits, but it’s hard to get out of bed. My body doesn’t feel rested, my eyes burn and my head aches. My jaw feels sore, probably from the clenching or grinding in my sleep. Coffee may not be enough to activate me this morning. When I get to work, Read More

Externalizing the Problem

This is a great activity I learned from one of my amazing professors at University of South Florida, Dr. Ryan Henry.  You can use it with a client or even with yourselves to better understand Read More

Aging Gracefully

No matter what we do, what we don’t do, what we see, hear, believe or want – one thing remains unchanged about life. Time passes and we get older. We can age gracefully or we can wither away. This year as I reflect on another 29th birthday — hey no judgement! 29 was a good year, so I plan to remain 29!  I think about what I have accomplished thus far and what my dreams are for the future. Taking some time each year to reflect on outcomes (goals), accomplishments, and new challenges to embark upon, offers an opportunity to evaluate the commitments you have made to yourself and others and evaluate the results. If the results are not what you had planned or hoped for, chart a new course and continue or develop a new outcome plan. Read More